"felicia ... in real life"

patience is growing thick.

2008-09-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

time.
time is everything.
if your not ahead, your behind.
seems like we're always waiting on something.
to go somewhere.
to leave.
maybe just for something to happen.
were never in the moment.
"when will this ever end?"
"when will i get what i want?"
"when will he realize im what he is looking for?"
"when will this begin?"
time.
give or take it, our lives are consumed by it.

Your love for me is imperishable.

2008-09-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

okay so.
senior year in high school right?
you would think it would be freakin awesome.
yet its not. the school work part of it is. but
nothing seems to be going how i want it to.
i guess thats my fault for not wanting what
God wants for me to do. i dont know. sometimes
its really really really hard to say no to the
worldly things that look so good and that you
really want. its like milkyways for me lol
they look freakin delicious from the outside
but then you bite in and you know youve made
a big mistake. ha (milkyways are so gross!)
it seems like ive been constantly
fighting with my family lately too. i just dont
agree with a lot of what my parents think and
believe. they stress me out so much. sometimes
to the point where i just want to leave. even
if its for 10 minutes. just to get away from
them griping and bickering at me all the time
about the stupidest stuff because they are
stressed out. i guess they need someone to take
it out on though. we all do sometimes.
this sounds dumb i know but my "love life"
isnt that great either. ill leave it at that.
my job... well my manager freakin sucks
sometimes. suzanne hired 6 more people to wait
tables when no one is getting enough shifts as it is.
i am working about 2 - 3 days a week working
up front. i dont see why she hires more people
when there are people already there waiting to
wait tables. gah!

this wasnt meant to be a depressing or sad blog. ha
my mind started going and my fingers went with it.

my heart is happy : )

2008-07-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

now i cant wait to get my life started.
senior year is going to rock.
i turn 18 in 6 months!
ALL my friends just graduated,
that kinda sucks lol
but i will stay optimistic and find
some new ones ha
im going to stop caring so much
about what other people think
because it REALLY doesnt
matter ha i cant wait to have
homework again ... and a busy
schedule ... wierd i know but
whatev. my bubba comes home
in about 5 months : ) he was
promoted to crew chief! YAY
he needs prayer though.
im still not waitress. GRRRRRR
oh well ... i will be patient.
starting a new diet. not to lose weight!
i know im not fat ... just to be healthy
thats all.
well thats my life right now. ha
well almost. lol

my heart is happy. : )

randomness

2008-06-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

as i get older ...
summer starts to suck ... a lot!
there is nothing to do and when there is
its usually in denton or
requires using gas. so basically i run,
and then sit around the house all day untill
i have to go to work. ha (i have no life ... basically)
so save me from my misery and give me
something to do!
now that im done complaining ...
im in a show in denton, its called
"Lil' Abner" ha it is really cute and i
cant wait till opening night!
heres a little story for you:
i come home from work one night and chance
(my dog) comes and greets my like usual.
i end up petting him for like 20 minutes lol
then i go to the kitchen and grab something to
eat and then i head off to bed. well chance is
laying in the family room and i walk by him to
say goodnight and bend over to give him
a goodnight pet ha and all of a sudden he snaps
at me and starts barking at me! it scared me half to
death! since then he has been mad at me and
wont let me pet him or anything.

i dont really know why i just told you
that. oh well. ha
so anyway ... i love God. i love my job.
and i love myself. THE END

2008-05-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is
not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2008-04-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

Greatest day in history!

death was beaten, You have rescued me!

sing it out! Jesus is alive!

empty cross, empty grave.

life eternal You have won the day!

shout it out Jesus is alive!

and Oh happy day!

happy day!

You washed my sin away!

and Oh happy day

happy day!

ill never be the same!

who ya gonna call? not the G.B.'s!

2008-04-06T20:36:00.001-07:00

have you ever put yourself in a position that you thought would turn out fine and then come to find out that your really dumb for thinking that and now you wish you hadnt!
okay well thats totally what happened to me!
i agreed to go to prom with one of my friends ... friends is what i thought we were ...
well now he wants to be more than friends and i dont! gah! haha boys are dumb.
now its going to be awkward and i dont want to go with him. i know it sounds bad,
but i just dont want him to get the wrong idea. dumb highschool drama. BLAH
anyway ...
10-12th: Cottey College
18-21st: Branson, Missouri for band trip
(yes, i am going to missouri twice in 2 weeks)
May 17th : prom at the dallas aquarium
May 30th : last day of school!
then im a senior! (thats weird)

2008-03-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

In history we are watching. "4 little girls" a document made by Spike Lee. Along with that we are reading a book called the Sixties. Its truly amazing what that generation of people had to go through to get basic human rights. I was in tears while watching white, racist policemen with attack dogs, depriving the black race of their freedom of speech; depriving them of their right to assemble by using fire hoses and literally spraying people off of their feet. It was really hard to watch. Sometimes i think as Americans we forget what people went through just to get the basic human right to drink out of a water fountain, or to get the right to vote, or to challenge the government with freedom of speech. American history sometimes seems like some fictional story; like it never really happened because some things we did seem so unrealistic. The documentary is about 4 girls who were killed in a bombing in Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. I dont understand how people can be so hateful to one another. How could you live with yourself after bombing a church and killing 4 young girls just because of the color of their skin. Or after shooting a black man in the head just because he used a "white mans" bathroom?! Or putting hundreds of children in jail or 5 days because they were marching for their freedom?!
Joan Baez wrote a song about the Birmingham Sunday ...

" Come round by my side and I'll sing you a song.
I'll sing it so softly, it'll do no one wrong.
On Birmingham Sunday the blood ran like wine,
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.
That cold autumn morning no eyes saw the sun,
And Addie Mae Collins, her number was one.
At an old Baptist church there was no need to run.
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom,
The clouds they were grey and the autumn winds blew,
And Denise McNair brought the number to two.
The falcon of death was a creature they knew,
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom,
The church it was crowded, but no one could see
That Cynthia Wesley's dark number was three.
Her prayers and her feelings would shame you and me.
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.
Young Carol Robertson entered the door
And the number her killers had given was four.
She asked for a blessing but asked for no more,
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.
On Birmingham Sunday a noise shook the ground.
And people all over the earth turned around.
For no one recalled a more cowardly sound.
And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.
The men in the forest they once asked of me,
How many black berries grew in the Blue Sea.
And I asked them right with a tear in my eye.
How many dark ships in the forest?
The Sunday has come and the Sunday has gone.
And I can't do much more than to sing you a song.
I'll sing it so softly, it'll do no one wrong.
And the choirs keep singing of Freedom."

growing in mind, body, and soul.

2008-03-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
school.
grades.
work.
money.
relationships.
things.

"dancing at discos
eating cheese on toast
you make me merry
you make me very very happy
but you obviously
didnt want to stick around."
-kate nash

so long originality

2008-03-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

i dont really know what i want to say, but i do know that i want to say something. ill start with this ... a friend of mine says "understanding is everything" ... well what if sometimes you want to understand ... but you cant ? ... how do you measure success or happiness in ones life? is there a chart of some number that can tell you or is it your friends and family that measure it ... or is it you that measures it? well i think the answer is obvious. Who cares what society says is happiness and success as long as you are loving what your doing and how your living your life ... i think thats enough for me. so robbie left today. i dont know why but everytime he leaves i am just as sad as the first time. We didnt even spend as much time together this time yet i cried like
i spent a whole week with him. i guess its cause as i got older we became more
like best friends than anything. i sure do miss him and even though he always left me at school as a freshman or ditched me for kris [ no offense :) ] i always felt like through the hard times he was there for me. Oh and 2 new girls started at work last week and its just my luck that they both have prior waitressing experience which means i wont get waitress next! BOO! it sucks but thats life. i just hope i get marching tech though. its something ive worked my butt off for. I want to bring the band back up and make it just as good if not better than my freshman year. well thats all for tonight. thanks for hearing me out. love you guys!

- felicia

freedom of speech, religion, fear, and want

2008-03-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

time seems to be playing a major role in my life right now ...
for one i feel like sleeping during the day and staying awake all night
am i nocturnal?

second, i feel like im thought of as being too young for certain things
and people ... although if people new my thoughts i bet they wouldnt
think i was young.

third, with the time i am givin it seems like im not givin enough
i cant get everything done that i need to before its time to go to sleep.

on the bright side my job is going great. Im next in line to be waitress
so thats good news considering thats kinda why i wanted that job in
the first place! ha and my brother has been home for about 2 weeks
yet it seems like ive seen him for a total of about 2 days. It sucks and
i wish he didnt have to leave, but if he didnt leave then i would have
no reason to go to Hawaii! ha

pursue your dreams
then you will find happiness.

there is beauty in the breaking

2007-12-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

so im kinda nervous / scared/ excited about quitting band.
im nervous about telling mr wiggins
scared that im going to miss it
and excited that i can enjoy other things in my life.
you would think it wouldnt be a big deal
but when youve been apart of something
and its become apart of your life
its hard to quit.
but anyways tomorrow im going to apply at Babes...
i really hope i get that job!
i miss my brother a lot!
this Christmas will be the first Christmas
without him.
its going to be hard...
this song , written my lindsey haun,
kinda explains what im feeling right now.

"wake up to a sunny day
not a cloud up in the sky
but then it starts to rain
my defenses hit the ground
and they shatter all around
so open and exposed
i found strength in the struggle
face to face with my troubles
when your broken
in a million little pieces and your
trying but you cant hold on anymore
every tear falls down for a reason
dont just stop believeing in yourself
when your broken
little girl dont be so blue
i know what your going through
dont let it beat you up
hitting walls and getting scars
only makes you who you are
no matter how much your heart
is aching there is beauty in the breaking"
- lindsey haun

inspired

2007-12-12T20:33:00.000-08:00

getting up and getting out
today tomorrow
growing up and down
now were coming to
moving in moving out
applying myself
growing meeting learning loving
just some stuff on my mind.
hes my best friend
i miss how everything used to be.
hiding behind pillars
making fun of the school secretary
leaving me without telling me ha
laughing, fighting, loving, hating
i miss him like i never thought i could
hes my best friend
hes my brother.